biglove2.jpgbig-love-3.jpgbig-love1.jpgI have to admit it … I am as addicted to HBO’s Big Love as much as I was addicted to the Sopranos.   I’m worried though, BAD BAD things are coming the Hendrickson’s way.  With the arrest of the outlaw polygamist leader, the return of Hollis and Thelma Green and Roman Grant lurking around things are already looking grim  Add in the fact that we have Frank looking for Delores’s money and out to punish Wanda for poisoning him and things really start to get interesting.

?  Hollis and Thelma Grant … brother and sister … husband and wife … whatever they are the addition of a character such as Thelma was a brilliant move on the writers’ part as far as I am concerned.

Love and sugar

 Debbybiglove4.jpg 

“In the purple and gray morning…”

Such an innocent line but so fraught with meaning now. That’s what I’m thinking as I stand here in the early morning mist. You said those exact words to me once. They were going to be the opening words to your great American novel.

We were standing right here in this spot. So young, so innocent, so damn poor. So very much in love. Scrabbling for every bite we had to eat. Scratching and scrambling to keep a roof over our heads. I remember crying because a man such as you, talented and brilliant, should never be treated the way you were.

No matter what though, through it all, we hung in there, dark days, living in the car, going hungry, living in shelters, and you always, always continued to write. You wrote on paper bags, napkins, take out menus you found on the streets. You never gave up on your dream. I wouldn’t let you. It was going to be our ticket out. All we had to do was believe.

Then, finally, one day, the miracle. Christ on a cross, all those years, all the hardships, they were going to pay off. Our ship had come in. You were the success I always knew you were going to be. It was more than we could ever have hoped or even dreamed of. How, how could I never have seen it coming though? There were never any signs. When did it happen? Were you always such a miserly bastard? Was that your true persona and I just didn’t see it?

One thing was obvious – I didn’t waste my youth and my life not to enjoy the fruits of your talent. That was not going to happen, not in this lifetime or any other. You just had to go, and as everyone knows, if you want something done right, you do it yourself. You never even suspected a thing when I brought you back out here to the beginning, back to where it all began, did you?

I was so sure you would never agree to come back out here to this little meadow in the woods where you first said those words to me “In the purple and gray morning…”

So now here I stand, alone in the early morning mist. Well, not really alone, as I’m standing here with you. Unfortunately, for you that is, I’m standing on top of where you are buried, where you will spend all of eternity with your purple and gray mornings.

While I’m out spending your money that is. I only think that’s appropriate.

shawns-pics-024.jpgI stole this story from Sgt. Hook’s site and freely admit to it — LOL!  It made me cry and think about my son-in-law who just returned from his 3rd TOD of Aghanistan and how lucky we are to have him home safe and well!!!!!! 

The four Soldiers sat around an olive drab painted footlocker playing cards. Actually, the group was comprised of three Soldiers and one Marine, all wearing desert camouflage uniforms, their blouses removed exposing brown t-shirts, not because they were hot, rather it was just more comfortable to have them off.

“Let’s go for six Top,” the Marine Captain said to his partner.

“Six it is then Sir,” First Sergeant McNeely agreed. Julian McNeely was from Newark, New Jersey and had served in this man’s army for just over 17 years. He took a lot of shit for his first name while coming up through the ranks, especially while at basic training, but only his brother got away with ribbing him about it in recent years.

Julian McNeely’s partner in this game of spades was Captain Mike Williams from Sarasota, Florida. Private First Class Williams attended the United States Marine Corps Officer Candidate School at Quantico, Virginia and graduated as Second Lieutenant Williams on September 9, 2001. He enjoyed playing cards with Top McNeely and the men, it kept his mind off of missing his wife and daughter.

Sergeant Booker B. Washington grew up in Montgomery, Alabama before enlisting in the Army the day after he graduated from Robert E. Lee High School in May of 2002, where his picture still hangs as the All-American quarterback who took the Generals to the state championship two years in a row. Booker B. Washington turned down several scholarship offers from colleges and universities like Notre Dame, Syracuse, Clemson, and the most tempting, the University of Alabama’s Crimson Tide. In his 18 year old heart, young Booker knew he was to be a Soldier first, before anything else.

“I can go three myself sergeant,” Private First Class Brian Velleux of Newport, Maine told his partner, Sergeant Washington.

“OK, we’ll go five and set them ‘V’,” the sergeant said confidently.

Brian Velleux disappointed his parents by joining the Army a little over a year ago. He was supposed to play professional hockey and make a ton of money and buy his parents a house in Florida and have fake teeth and bad knees and a BMW. He never really liked playing hockey; the early morning practices, the long ass drives to play 90-minutes of “chase the puck,” and the never living up to his father’s expectations on the ice. Brian Velleux loved being a Soldier had aspirations to one day be a noncommissioned officer like Sergeant Washington.

“Damn.” Captain Williams said, throwing his cards down onto the makeshift table after being set by the younger team. His partner grinned slightly, knowing the young officer had bid bigger than he had in his hand.

“We ought to start making our way to the station,” the first sergeant announced looking at his watch.

Captain Williams reflexively asked, “We got someone coming in Top?”

“Yeah, we got another Soldier comin’ home,” McNeely answered as he placed the deck of cards dead center of the footlocker and put on his blouse.

“Let’s go greet him ‘V’,” Sergeant Washington announced standing up, likewise putting on his blouse.

As the train pulled into the station, Corporal Carmen Sanchez marveled at the number of people awaiting their arrival, waving banners and holding signs all welcoming them. When she stepped off the train, Corporal Sanchez was greeted by Captain Williams and First Sergeant McNeely first, with a firm handshake and a pat on the back.

“Welcome home Sanchez,” McNeely said with all sincerity as he gripped her hand with his right, his left hand on her shoulder, and his eyes looking into her soul.

Carmen Sanchez joined the Army three years ago to the day in El Paso, Texas though she was originally from Honduras. Her parents immigrated to America when she was 13 years old, determined to give their daughter a future filled with freedom, liberty, and opportunities.

The melodic sounds of a band playing patriotic music caught her ear as she passed by countless numbers of people welcoming and thanking her, when Corporal Sanchez realized that she was the only Soldier on the train. Though there were other civilians disembarking, the “welcoming party” was solely for her. Tears welled in her dark brown eyes.

The original group of four received Corporal Sanchez as if they had known her forever. The card games continued, rotating Carmen into the mix while the “odd man” out took care of keeping score and maintaining refreshments. She quickly noticed that it didn’t seem to matter who partnered with Captain Williams, his team never won a game.

On her third day at home, Devlin Thomas, a tall blonde haired reporter in his mid to late twenties from New York, New York, who had taken the train with Corporal Sanchez, stopped by to see her.

“Hey Devlin,” Carmen Sanchez said looking up from her cards held in a fan with her left hand in front of her.

“Hi Carmen, how are you managing?” the reporter somberly asked.

“Fabulously! And you?” she responded slapping down the Queen of Spades, trumping that hand.

Devlin Thomas, junior reporter for the New York Times, just kind of shrugged in response, staring off into the distance, longing to be someplace else.

“Would you like a soft drink or some bottled water sir?” Private First Class Velleux asked, interrupting Mr. Thomas’ trance.

“Ah, no thank you,” Thomas answered. “Where are you from Private Velleux?” he asked the young Soldier.

“I’m from Maine sir,” replied Brian Velleux.

Devlin Thomas then slipped into his reporter persona asking harder hitting questions of the young private, “Why are you here? Is it worth it? Aren’t you angry?” Private First Class Velleux refused to answer.

A little later, Sergeant Washington was the “odd man” out and found himself talking with Devlin Thomas who took a bit of a different approach.

“You married sergeant?” he asked with a sincere tone to his voice.

“Yep, to my high school sweetheart; she’s a runway model. Well, she is when she walks up and down our hallway. She gave me three beautiful babies, two girls and a boy and truth is I miss that woman, and them kids,” he added quickly.

“Well, aren’t you angry with the Army, the government, for taking you away from them?” Thomas asked.

“Angry?” Sergeant Washington asked, confused by the question. “Why in the hell would I be angry? I’m here so that they can live safely there. I want my kids to grow up tasting, smelling, and breathing freedom, not misery, not oppression, not shackled. I’m happy that I’ve helped to make that happen for them in my own small way.”

Devlin Thomas seemed to take offense to the answer, angrily arguing, “But you’ll never see them again! They’ll never see you again! You’re dead!! We’re all dead and why in the hell are you all so damned happy about that?!?!”

A hush fell over the card game as all four players focused their attention on the angry reporter when First Sergeant McNeely slowly stood up.

“Mr. Thomas, you are correct, we’re dead, but there are no tears in Heaven. We’ve each given all that we had to give for our country, what is it you would like to know sir?” the salty old NCO asked.

“Well, I mean, isn’t anyone else besides me pissed off that their lives have come to an end?” he asked incredulously.

Captain Williams spoke up, “Top, sit down please, you too Mr. Thomas and you too Sergeant Washington. We’ve got plenty of time to play cards,” a slight smile crossed the first sergeant’s face. “Let’s talk awhile,” the officer offered.

“Devlin,” Carmen Sanchez began, “I’m not angry at all and I left behind a little boy. Ernesto is three and a half years old; he lives with my momma now. I used to miss him terribly, especially at night, lying on my cot in the tent at FOB Mercury just outside Mosul, but since I’ve been here my sadness is gone. I’m so happy that he’s safe and free that my heart no longer aches for him, instead it swells with pride.”

Devlin Thomas, unmarried and with no children, could not fathom Corporal Sanchez’s reasoning and said as much. “Well, what about you Captain?” he continued, “Don’t you miss your wife and little girl? Aren’t you mad that you had to die in a fiery helicopter crash depriving Chrissy of her daddy?”

“I do miss my wife Mr. Thomas, I miss her every time I’m away from her, that’s called love. Likewise, I miss my daughter Chrissy, she’ll be six next week by the way, but I must say, emphatically, that she has not been deprived of her daddy. I am her daddy and when she thinks of me, speaks of me, dreams of me, I’m overwhelmed with joy that she’ll know I’m in Heaven continuing to watch over her and her mother. This isn’t about my death Mr. Thomas, it’s about my life, and just as with my comrades here, my life ended for a purpose, for a greater good.”

“How do you know that she knows you’re still her daddy, her protector? How do you know that she knows your in Heaven?” the reporter pressed. “And by the way, you call this Heaven?”

A few smiles appeared on the faces of those who had been there for awhile before Captain Williams responded, “I know, Mr. Thomas, because each night I hear my Chrissy’s prayers, one of the perks for being here, and no, I don’t call this Heaven, this is the port of embarkation, Heaven is over there, through those gates,” he said pointing to his left.

“Then why are you here, and not there?” the reporter snipped pointing at the very gates Captain Williams had.

“We volunteered to be here sir,” First Sergeant McNeely flatly explained. “You see, no Soldier, Marine, Sailor, Airmen, or Coast Guardsmen ought to arrive to Heaven without a proper greeting. It’s the least we can do considering their sacrifices. And I’d like to add, that through those gates are at least a thousand others who have volunteered to take our place here.”

After a few moments of silence, Devlin Thomas tried again asking, “What about you Private Velleux? Surely you see the travesty in dying at such a young age, your life wasted?”

Brian Velleux felt his face flush with anger but held it in check after a reassuring look from Sergeant Williams. Taking a deep breath before answering, the young Soldier said, “With all due respect sir, my life was not wasted. My life was spent defending your right to publish articles in your newspaper criticizing my life. My life made a difference in providing the very freedoms you take for granted to a group of people who still don’t understand what freedom means. My life ended while saving a school full of young Afghan girls from an IED that was meant to kill them all. My life was not wasted sir.”

Several moments passed before a word was spoken. “I’m sorry Private, excuse me, Brian, I didn’t mean to offend you and I was out of line, the truth is, I respect what your life represents,” Devlin Thomas sheepishly replied. Turning to the entire group he asked, “If I might, I’d like to ask just one last question but before I do, I’d like to say how honored I am to be here among this group and I apologize if I came off antagonistic.”

“If you were offered your lives back, a second chance if you were, to leave Heaven and go back, would you take it?”

All five answered yes and the New York Times reporter felt that he had found the thread that would validate his original position when First Sergeant McNeely said, “And I’d go back to Iraq to finish the job I started.”

“I would too,” Corporal Sanchez offered.

“Same here,” Sergeant Washington added, “my Soldiers need me.”

“As would I,” added Captain Williams.

“And I’d go back to Afghanistan, in a heartbeat,” pronounced Private First Class Velleux.

Seeing that Devlin Thomas was stunned by their replies, First Sergeant McNeely offered, “Mr. Thomas, we don’t belong in Heaven, we belong on the battlefield, on the front lines defending America and our way of life, but we’re here, our missions complete, we only pray that there will be others to follow our paths so that those who follow your path can continue to publish newspapers, and our kids can continue to ride buses free from fear. It sucks to be dead Mr. Thomas, but it is truly blissful to know that America remains free. Rest assured sir, there are no tears in Heaven, no tears.”

Speechless, Devlin Thomas stood in awe of these people for what seemed like a very long time when First Sergeant McNeely broke the silence.

“We ought to start making our way to the station,” the first sergeant announced looking at his watch. “Care to join us Mr. Thomas?”

I was reading a book a few day ago and it got me to pondering some weighty matters. It referenced the Book of Enoch, which was written 200 years before the birth of Christ. Now, I am a spiritual being, but I am not a religious person. No matter what your beliefs, it does raise some interesting thoughts such as:

The fact that supposedly Adam had a wife before Eve. Lilith, a woman who was not at all submissive, who would not lay under him as she should, who was sexually voracious and who was said to have cavorted with demons.

That there were angels who lusted after human women and who had sexual relations with them and caused evil spirits to have proceeded from their bodies. This is where the stories of the Watchers came from and is their beginning and primal origin. “They shall be evil spirits on earth, and evil spirits they shall be called.” (from the book of Enoch)

Could this then not explain people like Papa Doc, Charles Manson or Ted Bundy. I have always believed that true evil does exist. It is born into this world already formed inside a being, within their soul. It is fear or horror that labels it psychopathic or psychopathic, for we are truly terrified by that which we cannot explain. Society can call it whatever it will, I prefer to call it what it is, pure evil.

If not for evil, how else can you explain the likes of the above and scores of others. Take for example Eddie Gein of Plainfield, Wisconsin. He made bowls of human skulls, lampshades and trash cans out of human skin, belts out of nipples and hearts and ears, and had a suit made entirely out of human skin (and you thought that was just a movie didn’t you?).

True evil does exist – I have seen it – up close and personal. The only time in my life that I have ever felt terror was many years ago when I sat in a room with a 14-year-old child, an axe murderer. This was no child though. When you looked into his eyes, they sucked all the light out of the room, they were dead, they were empty, and they were ice cold. That was evil, true evil. He was one of them, because he was definitely not one of us.

1268459888_m.jpgJust thought I would let you in on some of my life … my husband moved me from New York to Iowa a little over a year ago and IT’S HARD!!  All my kids and grands live in NY and I miss them so much at times that I think I won’t make it.  Then again, sometimes it is sooooo peaceful in my house that I don’t know how I lived so long in the chaos.  I have three children:  MaryBeth, who is a 911 dispatcher and the mother of my first granddaughter Meaghan, who is eight.  Katie, who is married to Shawn, a Staff Sergeant in the Army.  He just got back from his second tour of Afghanistan.  They are the parents of Cole, who is eight, and Noah, who is six and was born with Fragile X.  He is on the high end of the autism scale and developmentally challenged.  Then there is my baby, Addam, who is the father of Kayla who is 5, and Elijah who is three. 

 

I’m disabled so the government pays me to stay home.  Sounds like a fun gig right?  It was for a bit, but now I’m getting bored.  I was a legal secretary for most of my adult life and I worked for an independent living center for the last two years that I was employed.  Personally I think they are paying me to stay away from the general public!

 

My husband, Ed, drives big trucks.  He is my second and is 10 years younger than I am.  Yes, I admit it, I am a cradle robber but what a gem he is! 

 

That’s all for now folks!  Watch for further postings which will range from original poetry and writings from me to rants about the things that are pissing me off to how very special my children and my grands are.  Oh yes, and my dogs!!

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